August / September 2004

September 24, 2004

It's not often a person gets a rejection that makes them laugh, but I got one the other day, proving, I guess that editors do have a sense of humor.

I'd submitted a short piece to a magazine I like quite well. The topic was the A380, a new aircraft currently in the production stage. When finished, the A380 will be the world's largest passenger jet--so big it'll hold 555 passengers on two levels connected by a wide staircase. Promo videos showed the lower cargo area converted to in-flight shops, bars and showers.

As someone who doesn't even understand how regular airplanes stay up, this is one scary concept. I wasn't reassured to read that the pilots will need the help of a video camera to steer the plane down runways. 

I wrote what I thought was a humorous piece questioning the wisdom of the "bigger is better" philosophy, but despite the fact that my mother found my essay extremely funny, it didn't go over as well as I'd hoped. The editor's email response was a clever play on words--"Nice piece, but doesn't quite get off the ground for us."

Heh heh heh

Never let it be said that the good people at Smithsonian Magazine don't enjoy a yuk as much as the next person. 

Oh well, so this one didn't fly. Better luck next time.

September 20, 2004

Has anyone else seen the new commercial for Hoover's "Empower" vacuum? Besides coming in four different colors (because that's such an important feature in a dirt-sucker), it also has a built-in option called a "hush mode." To demonstrate, the woman in the ad switches the machine into this quieter setting so as not to awaken her sleeping baby.

I have questions.

First off, who vacuums when the baby sleeps? What woman in her right mind, given a few hours reprieve from the demands of an infant, thinks hmm, this would be a good time to vacuum under the crib?

Secondly, wouldn't you keep the damn thing in hush mode all the time? What's the advantage of having a louder vacuum cleaner? It's not like having a Harley Davidson where the amplified sound means you have one serious machine.

I'm thinking I might have to send the Hoover people an email regarding this matter. If I find out their thinking I'll let you know.

September 15, 2004

My older son has shamed me into reading "The Catcher in the Rye."

 Back when Laura Ingalls and I went to school (her sister Mary was a grade ahead of us), the book was not required reading, a fact Charlie finds appalling. That's not to say I didn't do my share of heavy lifting as far as the Classics go. In high school I distinctly remember reading "To Kill A Mockingbird" and a couple of Shakespeare plays and a whole bunch of other books too.

 And it didn't end there. 

We also discussed these great literary works. And wrote papers on topics concerning them. And took tests wherein we were tested on important themes and turning points and the dénouement (which is a French word meaning you've reached the end, Thank God). 

So anyone who implies I'm not well read had better think twice. Or at least once. I mean it.

September 5, 2004

Some people say my son Charlie looks like Gregory Smith (shown above), the actor from the WB television series Everwood. I admit there's a resemblance, but I think Charlie's much better looking.

 And has nicer parents.

On a related note, I am of the opinion that even a highly intelligent person could get the name of the show mixed up and call it "Evergreen" by mistake. No need to make them feel bad about it.

August 29, 2004

A local radio station jokes that they have seven listeners. It's a catch phrase they use repeatedly. During contests: One of our seven listeners will win a trip to Jamaica! And in general: We've had a request for Avril Lavigne's newest from one of our seven listeners. You get the idea.

 Somehow it never gets old.

Along the same lines I often wonder about my blog readers. Show of hands: How many of you reading this right now DON'T know me personally?

 Sigh. Not too many--just as I thought.

I like to think my visitor counter numbers reflect lots of readers, but suspect I get repeat visits from the same seven or so. All of whom are related to me. Not necessarily a bad thing, but if you don't happen to know me, feel free to drop me an email. I'd love to hear from you.

August 20, 2004

My older son just left with two friends to go to a Metallica concert. Unfortunately, once kids get to be this age (16), you can't always accompany them everywhere they go. I only hope they remember to use their best audience manners.

August 4, 2004

A neighbor kid just returned from a six week trip to Greece and came over to tell us about his trip. I asked about the money there, and he told me they used euros.

I was just about to turn to my younger son and explain how other countries have their own money systems, when Jack spoke up with a question of his own. "So how much would a euro be in U.S. currency?"  

Sigh. I guess he's way ahead of me.

This isn't the first instance where my kids have proven to be smarter than I was at their age. And I'm not just talking about new technology either. As a child I was confused by so many things. For instance--I constantly got  Bing Crosby and Bill Cosby mixed up. I knew one was a funny black guy and the other was a singer, but which was which? And why did their names have to be so similar?

Another example--once when I was little girl, my grandfather told me that the turn signal was the car's way of telling him "which way he should go." He probably forget about his little joke minutes later, while I spent hours anguishing over how the car knew his destination. And what if he didn't want to go that way? It was all so confounding.

Each of my childhood days was filled with puzzlements. Like how could the weather forecaster possibly know it would rain the next afternoon? It was hard to believe something as random as the weather could be predicted. And learning about Doppler radar didn't help in the least--the whole concept sounded bogus to me.

I'm still easily befuddled, missing my exit on the expressway or coming home from the grocery store without the one item I really needed. I once sent my son on a third grade field trip wearing a Batman T-shirt and sweat pants when he was supposed to be in a pioneer costume. It did make me feel better when he told me he was glad he didn't dress up like the rest of the kids--they looked like dorks. Still.

In contrast to my own difficulties, my children seem to have a better grasp of what's going on, even to the point of helping me out when things aren't clear. I guess I grew from being a clueless kid to a ditzy adult. Perhaps I have some kind of disorder that hasn't been officially established yet. Eventually they'll come up with a label: contextually challenged or clue handicapped. Maybe if I wait long enough the pharmaceutical companies will come up with something that will help.